she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
