I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
he puts the penis in happiness.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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