There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
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