It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
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