throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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