Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Randomize
