Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Randomize
