I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
