spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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