Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
