they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
