they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize
