shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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