My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
