You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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