Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
