Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
my shit smells like andre
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Randomize
