My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
