Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
