I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
