My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
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