Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Text me some of your sweat
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