I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize