Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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