Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Randomize
