It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
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