put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
We are all done wearing pants today
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
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