4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
