Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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