In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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