all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Randomize
