Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
