Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
