I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
