TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize
