my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
