I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
