i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize