i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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