Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
