Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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