U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
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