There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
We had to coat check the pizza.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
