I just made out with a guy for $7.
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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