Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
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