I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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