I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
