I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
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