I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Randomize
