This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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