Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
being pregnant is like rehab
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
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