worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Randomize
