You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
