You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
