She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
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