Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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