I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize