girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Randomize
