wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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