you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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