I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Randomize
