:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Randomize
