guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
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