Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
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