it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Randomize
