Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I just gift wrapped bread.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
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