shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
