You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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