I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
